I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
