onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
A+ Viking dick
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize