Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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