You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
