Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
