I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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