Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
