I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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