i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
how drunk are you?
Several
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
