i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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