while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
