I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
