So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
