Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Randomize
