where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i just had sex bonerless
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
