It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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