My balls are so social today.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
