I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
