On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
