I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
