Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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