You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
