she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
