Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
