you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
