Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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