I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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