My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
