Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
