KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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