Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
