She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
