Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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