Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
