i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
