At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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