Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I'm really busy with my period
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