Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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