16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
