why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
