Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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