I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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