i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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