Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
