Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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