Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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