Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
In America we eat man semen.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
