he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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