yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
