I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
