Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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