I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
