Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
