I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize