he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
