fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
