look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
