It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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