is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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