my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
