I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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