so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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