clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
