The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
he thought i was a dude.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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