I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
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