What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
