Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
