Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
