pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
