I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
