just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
