i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
