i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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