i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
