I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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