I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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