A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
