He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
