Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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