Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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