Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
